I set an intention to be more present in my life. I distilled it into an achievable goal: Every night, I spend one hour away from my phone. I knew this would be an easy habit to build because 60 minutes is brief and I don’t even deprive myself of all technology during that hour. EASY.
I’ve been at this for about four weeks now. The first week, I ignored the reminder on my phone to “put away my phone” and kept working on whatever I was doing instead. The second week, I was more intentional and put my phone in another room most nights for the hour. I still found myself checking for it occasionally, only to remind myself that I had put it away already. I was certain that week three would be simple- I was getting used to putting my phone away for an hour and I was usually doing something during that time anyway (journaling, TV, looking something up on my computer). SO EASY.
One night during week three, I found myself panicked, searching all over for my phone. I just had it after all. Lifted the couch cushions, checked my pockets. No phone. “This is so weird. I can’t find my phone,” I noted to my husband. He said, “Jack, you JUST put it away.” It was then that I realize I have a serious addiction: my phone.
Why did I ever think this would be easy? I’m obsessed with my phone. I even use my phone to remind myself to put away my phone! So, I let go of the whole, “this will be easy” thing and switched my perspective to curiosity. I still find myself automatically reaching for my phone after being away from it for just a few minutes. Over and over again, I remind myself that I put it away.
This one small behavioral change has shed some insight into my own automatic process of tuning out from the present moment. While I’ve been surprised to notice how quickly (and how often) I reach for the additional distraction of my phone, I think it parallels other automatic processes in my life. For example, how quick is my brain to send another problem to solve or task to do, after I complete something. This happens so quickly that I often don’t celebrate or even notice the accomplishments/successes because I’m already onto the next thing. How easy is it to wander around your mind aimlessly, just to reawaken to your life wondering how long you’ve “been gone?”
We love automaticity because it makes things easier (I don’t have to relearn how to brush my teeth every day. I just do it). However, when we aren’t intentional, automatic behaviors and thoughts boss us around as if we work for them, when really, it should be the other way around. We need to create habits that work for us.
So, it’s not easy after all. I’m not sure when I started working for my phone versus my phone working for me, but I’m curious to see how unplugging from it for one hour every day affects me. Maybe being away from my phone for even just an hour per day will become the automatic process. Maybe I’ll even forget to look for my phone one day. Maybe my phone will start working for me again. In the meantime, I’ll keep unplugging my way back into the life that is right in front of me.
